I blogged!

I blogged!!  But not here!  Ha!  Amanda from Little Mrs. P. asked me to write a guest post about being a working mom.  So, if you want to hear my thoughts, click on over.  It's my honest view of how I feel about it right now, and how things are going for us here in Brooklyn.  I've come to know Amanda mostly through Twitter, but I've enjoyed reading about her move from Texas to Seattle and her two little ones.

And since I'm here and talking about being a mom, if you live under a rock and haven't read Sparkly Green Earrings, go buy it and read it!  It's so funny and honest, and you can still read it if you're not a mom!!

For Julee

Today is a Blog Day of Silence. Many of us are also taking a break from all social media.

Please pray for Julee Turner - today is Matt's funeral.

Pray also for all of those who have lost a loved one this year.

Crying over melted milk.

We went away this weekend.  Yep, our first family vacation!

Ryan had Friday off, so we planned to leave a little early to get a head start.  I woke up Friday morning, started a pot of coffee and went about getting ready.  When the coffee was done, I went to the refrigerator to get the milk, and that's when I noticed it- the freezer door was open.

We have gotten into the very bad habit of treating ourselves to ice cream- a craving leftover from my pregnancy- and we had some the night before.  We picked up dinner and some Ben & Jerry's to celebrate Thursday night being our Friday night and the start of our little getaway.  I overpacked the freezer with some bread I baked earlier in the day, and when Ryan put the ice cream away, the door didn't close all the way.  Normally we don't have that much in the freezer, but now it's different.

I had about 40oz. of frozen milk in the freezer.  Milk that I spent so much time pumping.  I was so proud of the little stash I was building to help Will when I go back to work.

Naturally, I freaked out.  I was crying and was pretty hysterical.  The milk was mostly slushy.  Some was almost all the way defrosted, some was still pretty frozen.  I thought I had to throw all of it out.  Ryan used the ever useful Google to see if we could keep any, and read that if it was still slushy I could keep it.  I, naturally, went to twitter with my concerns and woes, knowing that my friends on there would surely have an answer for me.  I also called two lactation consultants and a La Leche League leader.  No one would answer, and I was so frustrated!

I had just talked with my friend Julee a few days before about how to build up my supply.  She was so encouraging and helpful.  After talking to her, I was confident I could do this, and started on a schedule.  To see that hard work melt in front of me was horrible.

I finally got a call from the LLL leader, and Julee and another friend saw my twitter posts and answered back.  The LC called later too.  Thankfully, I only had to "throw out" about 10oz.  The rest was able to be put back in the freezer.  I didn't throw out the defrosted milk either...I used most of it to try to get Will to take a bottle.  He is getting better, but is still not a fan- but that's another story.

So...we were able to leave and go on our little trip!  We had a great time.

Now, fast forward to Sunday.  Once we were on our way upstate, I deleted twitter off of my phone.  I'm way too guilty of checking it too many times a day, and I wanted to focus on my family and not my phone for the weekend.  When we were headed back home, I checked Instagram and noticed a comment on someone's picture, and it sparked something in me- I knew something was wrong.  Normally I would go to twitter, but I didn't have it!  So, I went to Facebook.  I saw that people were commenting on Julee's page.  They kept mentioning prayers for her and her daughter Preslee over and over...but no one mentioned her husband, Matt.  I started shaking and tried to tell Ryan that something was very wrong.  I went to Google.  Julee's husband is a news anchor, so I knew there would be news if something happened.  My fears were confirmed when I saw that Julee's husband Matt was tragically killed in a car accident Saturday night.

There are no words for how devastating this is for her family.  I thought about what Julee shared with me earlier in the week- how she was enjoying her time at home with Preslee since their recent move to Little Rock.  I thought about how she is now a single mom, and that sweet family time she was enjoying so much has come to an end.  I thought about how all of my problems are nothing compared with what she is facing.  I thought about how this could happen to any of us.  She has been on my mind every minute since I saw the news yesterday.

I have seen so much good rise out of this tragedy.  A few girls immediately rallied on twitter to pull together money for flowers, but the donations were so great that we were able to contribute to a college fund being set up for Preslee.  There will be a silent auction online next week, with all of the proceeds going to Julee and Preslee.  Many, many businesses are contributing proceeds to them as well.  You can see a full list on Jenna's blog HERE.  It is a huge testament to power of women who pull together when we see one of our own hurting.

Please check out the links on Jenna's blog and contribute if you can.  As Jenna said earlier, it's a great time to start your Christmas shopping!

8 weeks

Well, I'm 8 weeks into this mothering thing.  I've learned a lot so far.  A LOT.  Of course I thought I knew everything before he was born. (Not really...although I was confident I could handle it...whatever "it" was)

So far Will is a great baby.  He really only ever cries if he's hungry, ready to be moved or picked up (if he's been on his activity mat or on the floor or in his swing), or if he is in the car or stroller and it stops (this is not so good).  He sleeps wonderfully at night, loves to eat, and is absolutely adorable.

I think it's taken me these 8 weeks to even start to get the hang of it.  I think we bonded in the hospital, but I think we had some setbacks over the next 6 weeks or so.  Recovery is hard, and I don't think I anticipated how hard it would be.  I'm still not 100% comfortable getting out of the apartment with him, but it's good for both of us to do it occasionally (I don't mean walks in the park...I mean going to stores, restaurants, etc. We walk in the park and take Darby out often.).

I also know how I want my second time around to be.  It will be different than this experience, for sure.  Not that this has been bad...I just have the benefit of hindsight now.

I became a germ freak when I moved to NY, and became an even greater one when I got really sick after being on a plane in the Spring of 2011.  And now I'm an even greater one with a baby.  3 million people ride the subway in NY every day.  I don't need 3 million people's germs on my baby.  How many people have touched that elevator button you just pushed?  Or been in that cab you were in?  Wash your hands.  It also didn't help that they had a news story about a whooping cough outbreak in the city while I was in the hospital.

Will is smiling, cooing, talking and he almost rolled over last night (he was in his bassinet and I think he would have if he had been anywhere else).  He has learned to kick and bat at his toys, and discovered the mobile above his crib.  He loves to be sitting up or on your shoulder.  He needs to see what's going on.  He has also found himself in mirrors.  It's the best thing ever.

He is nursing like a champ, and we really haven't had any problems with it.  I've had minor concerns like a plugged duct and the usual soreness, but other than that it's been great for him.  For me...it's been hard.  At 6 weeks I was ready to give up, but I think we've hit our stride now.  One thing that is hard now is that he doesn't really like the bottle.  I'll pump and we'll try to give it to him, but he prefers me.  When he's hungry I will pull out the burp cloth and pick him up and he is all smiles and gets so excited to eat.  I hate to take that away from him when I go back to work.  It will break my heart.

Speaking of work, I asked for 3 more weeks off and got it.  I will have a total of 15 weeks off.  I will have a work from home/work in the office schedule when I return.  I hope that makes it easier.  I should have just gone back at 6 weeks.  I was still really tired and overwhelmed at that point, so going to work would have been hard, but probably a welcomed break.  Now, every day gets better, we are getting a good little groove, and I can't imagine having to go back and leave this sweet little guy.

I made a Shutterfly book of his first month.  Since we have all of our pics on the computer now, I wanted something tangible to look at.  It's nothing too fancy, but I love it.  It documents a lot of his firsts.  I won't do one every month, but I would like to do one every year.  I also got a great memory box from Paper Coterie.  I know I won't do a baby book, so this is a great catch-all for little scraps of paper, pictures, etc.

Now I'll shut up and share some pics.  We certainly aren't lacking those.

This is how he likes to sleep. No swaddling for us.

This was a rough afternoon.  Thankfully we've got our naps figured out now.

He was playing and just conked out.  He loves his activity mat.

We went hiking last Saturday and we had to stop for a break!

Little cutie.

Meet Will.

I know I've been absent from the blog for a looong time.  I'm sorry!  I was going to write a post about pregnancy, and talk about my baby shower.  I had so much to say!  Then things got a little crazy.  I was trying to get things done before baby boy arrived.  There was still so much to do, it was getting hot, and I was getting a little uncomfortable.  Then I found out he was breech.  Then my sweet grandmother passed away.  Then I went into labor almost a month early!  Woah!

So where do I begin?  I don't know, so I'll start with the week before he was born.

It was Friday.  My grandmother went into the hospital on Thursday.  She hadn't been doing well, and we knew she was pretty sick.  I had a Dr's appt that morning.  My doctor checked the position of the baby and she suspected he was breech.  We did an ultrasound and discovered that he was breech, and that my fluid was on the low side.  It was still normal, but low.  I was not happy with this news because I knew it meant I might need a c-section.  My Dr told me to rest, stay off of my feet, and drink A TON of water.

I left the appt, went outside, and called my parents to check on my grandmother.  Sadly, I got the news that she was not expected to live through the weekend.  This was devastating news because I knew there was no way I could be there.  Thankfully, I took the day off of work, because later I had a Baby Care and Feeding class to take at the hospital.  I did not take my Dr's advice to stay off of my feet and rest...I ended up wandering around the Upper West Side of Manhattan all afternoon.  I just found out baby boy was breech and my grandmother was dying...pity party for me.  One bright spot of the day was when I got Pinkberry and their computers were restarting, so they gave it to me for free.  :)

Also, I had to go to the Baby Care and Feeding Class alone because Ryan just started a new job and couldn't take time off to attend.  Which made me feel even more sorry for myself.

Saturday morning I received the call that my grandmother passed away.

We move forward with our day...Ryan ends up buying tons of meat and decides to grill and we have some friends over.  Some other friends in our neighborhood are having a burger cook-off the next day, so we strategize our team name and theme for our burger.

On Sunday, we do a practice run for our burger, and prepare everything.  (Notice there's not much resting going on here...)

We decide on a "Trailer Trash" theme.  We did a Frito Chili Pie Burger with Tater Tots on the side.  It was a meat patty, with homemade chili, Fritos, good shredded cheddar cheese, and fried pickles.  It was pretty amazing if I do say so myself.

And yes, I made the little flags on top. :)

It was hot as blazes on the roof deck where the party was, so we asked to go first in the cook-off, and then I left.

Now, skip to Tuesday.  I had a follow-up appt with my Dr to check on baby.  He was still breech and my fluid was still normal, but low.  We discussed trying to turn him, and also alternative methods (acupuncture, "home remedies", etc).  We made an appt at the hospital to turn him for the next week (37 weeks), and she told me to rest, stay off of my feet, and keep drinking lots of fluids.  I was able to take a bereavement day at work, so it was nice to take Tuesday to rest and sort of gather my thoughts.

Wednesday morning I left very early to go get my things at work so I could work from home for the next week.  It was still really hot out, and I needed to avoid riding the subway in the heat, and going up and down all of the stairs in the stations.

Thursday morning at around 3:30am I woke up with a rock hard stomach.  This wasn't a new feeling...I had been having these contractions off and on for a week or two.  They were inconsistent, and didn't last long.  But this time they lasted for about a minute, and came back every 5 minutes.  I stayed up for about 45 minutes, made note of every contraction in my phone, and decided I should try to relax and go back to sleep.  I got up at 6:45 and got in the shower.  I was still having contractions.  I mentioned them to Ryan and he suggested I call the Dr.  I really thought it was nothing.  It was too early.  I was due in mid-August, and it was mid-July!  I got ready and started working.  I had a conference call and a project that needed to be done quickly.  Around 10:00am or so, I decided to call the Dr.  I was completely shocked when they said to go to the hospital.

So, I called Ryan in a panic.  He was just as surprised as I was.  I decided to quickly throw some things in a bag (thankfully I made a list of things to pack a few days before, so I could refer to that, and baby's bag was already packed).  I drove myself into Manhattan (this shocks most people, but I didn't think much of it at the time) and picked up Ryan on the West Side Highway (he walked over from his office).  

We drove up to the hospital and I got hooked up to the monitors and discussed my situation.  My doctor called to let them know I was coming, so they were ready for me.  We discussed trying to turn him, did ultrasounds, and monitored my contractions, which were getting stronger and coming closer together (but still weren't too painful, thankfully).

During this time we were letting everyone know that I was at the hospital.  I was emailing work, and I found out that they were throwing me a surprise shower that afternoon!  I was sorry to miss it.

At some point someone made the decision that I was indeed in labor, and we were having a baby.  It was confusing because we were talking to nurses, high-risk Drs (to discuss turning him), anesthesiologist, Drs, etc.  It was determined that trying to turn him would most likely be unsuccessful (he was on the bigger side, my fluid was low, etc), so I was scheduled to go in for a c-section.  We got there around 11:00am, and this was decided on around 2:00pm, maybe?  We were told the Dr on call from my practice would be there at 3:30, but we still waited around for a long time.  Apparently there was an emergency c-section that had to go in, so we were pushed back.  We were considered to be somewhat urgent because they didn't want me to progress too much, but we weren't an emergency, thank goodness.

I have no idea what time we went back.  It was all a blur.  I just know I walked into this big white room with a ton of machines, etc., and they started putting stickers and wires all over me and prepping me for the spinal.  It was a little much for someone that has never has a stitch in her life.  The resident that was there and helped me with the spinal told me I looked nervous...and yes, I was.

The anesthesiologist got everything ready and I laid down.  I got very light-headed, then nauseous.  They gave me oxygen to help with it.  They also noticed my IV wasn't working very well, so the anesthesiologist decided to give me a new one.  After 4 or 5 tries, he put it in.  Ouch. (This resulted in the worst black yucky bruise on my arm.)

Then Ryan came in!  Yay!  We just chatted as they cut me open. :)

They let Ryan stand up and see when our little guy was yanked from my innards pulled out at 6:39pm.  All that Ryan said was "He is small."  That kind of freaked me out.  Then I didn't hear the baby cry right away and that freaked me out too.  But not to worry...everything was fine.  He started crying and they let Ryan go over to see him.  I was left with a curtain in front of my face and I couldn't see anything!  I could hear someone talking to Ryan, so I started yelling to Ryan to take video!  I didn't want to miss anything!

I heard them say his weight- 6lbs 13oz!  Not so small after all!

After a few minutes they brought him over to me, and Ryan got to hold him next to me.  My first thought was that he looked like Ryan!  I don't think I'll ever forget seeing that sweet face for the first time.  We just chatted and admired our handsome boy while they closed me up.  It was very surreal and weird that my surgery was happening on one side of the curtain and we were with our baby on the other.

After they were done, we went to recovery and this is when things start to get fuzzy for me.  It was just right across the hall from the operating room.  Ryan and the baby came with me.  While we were in there we texted (I say "we"...I mean Ryan!) our families to let them know that our sweet baby Will was here!  No one knew his name until he was born.  We actually decided on his middle name either in the operating room or recovery room...I can't remember.  I finally got to hold Will which was such a great moment!  I never really imagined what it would be like if I had a c-section.  He was furiously sucking on his thumb, so they asked if I wanted to nurse him, and I did.  He did great.  We were here for awhile, then it was off to a room.

They rolled me down a hall and into a giant elevator and to my room.  Ryan and Will went to the nursery.  Once I got to my room they had to move me to another bed.  They rolled my bed next to the other bed and I had to use my arms to help ease myself over.  I could barely feel my lower half, and I was convinced I was going to split my incision open by doing this, and I was terrified.  Surprisingly, I was fine, and I got settled in.  After a bit Ryan and Will came back.  We got to have a little bit more family time and then Ryan had to leave.  I had a shared room, so that means no overnight guests.

Overnight they brought Will to me to eat, but he couldn't room with me yet because I couldn't get out of bed.  I learned that my roommate was bottle feeding and sent her baby to the nursery all night.  I felt bad disturbing her every few hours, but I was also a little jealous that she could just send her baby to the nursery and sleep!  Will did great nursing overnight, and we couldn't wait till Dad was able to come back!  We were texting through most of the night...neither of us was getting much sleep. ;)

Ryan came back in the morning.  We hung out together and had a good morning of check-ups from various Drs and nurses.  At one point we noticed that Will had a dirty diaper, so we told the nurse.  She pointed to the drawers in the bassinet and said "The diapers are in there" and started to walk out of the room. Ha!  We quickly stopped her!  Ryan had never changed a diaper and I couldn't get out of bed...we needed some help!

Ryan's mom arrived that afternoon, and thankfully we were moved to a private room...or as my hospital calls it "The VIP Suite".  It was sooo very different than the shared room!  We had our own mini fridge with drinks, and I got to order my food for every meal and it was brought in on a cart with a white table cloth with covered dishes!  Ha!  It was quite an upgrade!  It was an upgrade in price too, but we decided it was worth it after my old roommate had 5 people come visit with pizzas.  It was awkward in that tiny shared room.  The first night I ordered creme brûlée for dessert, and I was afraid of what hospital creme brûlée would taste like...but it was GOOD!

So, to make a super long story short...we were in the hospital until Sunday, then we came home!  I had the sweetest little smocked outfit for him that was way too big on him, and it just reminded me how those things don't matter.  He still looked precious...even if it looked like he was wearing a dress.  Will just turned 1 month old, and he is perfect!  He went to the Dr and he now weighs 9lbs 6oz!  We couldn't love him more.  He is a very, very good baby, and we are so lucky.

So...

Meet Will.

Will- 3 days old 

Will- 1 month, 2 days old

Babymoon

A couple of weeks ago, we took a little trip.  I guess you could call it a babymoon.  We definitely wanted to take one last grown up trip before baby gets here.  It's hard to balance getting away to relax, with trips to go see family, and I have a feeling trips to see family will dominate after the little guy gets here, so this was much needed.

We decided to travel with our friends that we went to New Orleans with last fall.  We had a great time together then, and it was the same this time.  We enjoy the same things, and are both easy going, so it works for us.

We went down to Puerto Rico again.  We went 2 years ago to the same spot.  You can't beat these views:

The house is overlooking this cliff.

This is looking the other way. (I edited these using Instagram, which explains why they look so different)

Here we are having lunch right on the beach one day.  Perfection. (I was drinking water, by the way.)

This is one of our favorite beaches there.  It's a cove, so the waves are huge just around the bend, but here they are very calm.  My poor feet and ankles were so swollen while were there.  I think it was the flight that did it.

The men grilled every night.  It was great to have a break from cooking!  This is appetizers in the gazebo.  It was very hard to leave a place like this!  Once we got home I just kept imagining that if I walked outside, this would be my view.  

We are very lucky that our landlords own this home, so we get a great deal!  They are so generous and kind to let us go down there!  Maybe next time we go we'll have another little travel companion!

Kitchen Stripes

I've been sprucing up our kitchen from the moment we moved in.  We started by purchasing Ballard's pendant light adapters for the can lights (here).  And we removed some of the doors on the ugly laminate cabinets and painted the insides pale blue.  I added curtains for some color.   I've always wanted to put something in the big space above the stove.  It just seemed like a big blank spot.  Our oven/stove is a million years old and not attractive, but it works really well, so I'm not complaining (too much, anyway).

I had always thought about a platter, but there was no way to secure it.  I thought about hanging plates, but there was no way to hang them because it's all laminate behind the stove.

Well, a few weeks ago I was reading a post by Holly Mathis (here) and I got the idea to use the wooden cutting boards we had just purchased at Ikea.  I already had the little glass canisters (from here).  It looked nice enough.

Then I went to Ikea (by myself...it was great) a couple of weeks ago and I saw this large striped tray.  I have a lot of blue and white in the kitchen, and I thought the tray was great.  I passed it by, because I liked it, but I didn't know if we really needed it.  Then I as I was on my way to the checkout, I went into the "As Is" section.  I always stop in the "As Is" section.  We've made several purchases (some big furniture purchases) from this section, and the deals are amazing (and some of it is just fine...we've bought furniture that's still new in the box from here).  Anyway...they had 3 of these trays for $4 each!  I can't remember the original price, but $4 worked for me, even if I didn't think we really needed it.  I got home, and in 5 minutes I knew what to do with that tray!  I put it behind the cutting boards and loved it!  And when Ryan got home, he noticed it and like it too!  Shocker!

I usually don't have enough patience to wait for just the right thing, and this time it paid off.  I think our Ikea purchases look pretty great, and it filled this empty space perfectly!

And speaking of stripes...I was drying some clothes over some chairs not too long ago and noticed a reoccurring theme in our clothes right now...

Stripes are popular!